Two things if you want to be truly pastoral:
1. Someone tells you something incredibly sad or confusing or hurtful or whatever. Try saying, “I just don’t know what to say. I am so sorry.”
It’s the truth. It’s honest and it’s heartfelt. You aren’t trying to fix anything.
2. Say, “I just don’t know what you are going through. I can only imagine.” I often say that, and am usually surprised at how the person accepts those words as caring and as an invitation to keep talking.”
Remember friends, a person who feels heard — not judged, not fixed — feels loved.
