Here’s Michael Hyatt on Confrontation and how to do it. You can read the text of his entire podcast, but I’ll give you his 5 take-a-ways because they are so good.
1. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. That’s certainly what I want so I start by deciding this is what I’d want from this person. I don’t automatically assume she’s out to get me.
2. Next you then decide to talk directly to the person responsible. That means you don’t talk with lots of other persons beforehand about how much this person is bugging and annoying you.
3. When you do get together you start by affirming your relationship with the person. This is a great opener: “You are a truly valuable team member” or whatever it is you plan to say. It has to be something that is authentic and that makes the person know you are not just out to get him. Not this! — “First of all, I just want to say how much I and the entire team are mad at you! Geesh man, what have you been thinking?” You never shame people. In all things, love!
4. Then you lay it out. That’s what speaking the truth in love is. Before you meet, outline the issue as objectively as possible. Certainly get it clear in your own mind, if not on paper, what it is you want to say. Why? Because emotions are involved and you want to be sure and say rather precisely what it is you have to say.
5. Finally, be very clear about what you expect from this confrontation and what it is that you want. Don’t leave the person you confront guessing. Say what you want. Mean what you say. Don’t waffle. Be loving but clear! The person you confront needs to be thinking, “Wow, she’s clear.”
Jesus said succinctly, “If you are worshiping and remember that a person has something against you, quit worshiping and go directly to the person.” Yes, right then. Don’t waste any time wondering if you should go and talk with the person. You should! Even if you are not the one exactly at fault? Yes. Go. Go now. That’s how important clarity, forgiveness and reconciliation is to Jesus.
But yes, my friends, it does involve confrontation. 🙂