About 60 Vineyard men spent two hours sharing around a roaring campfire last Friday evening at the men’s retreat. I thought the sharing would last about an hour, but it went on and on. We ended a perfect evening with ministry around the fire.
Listening to the men share, I realized there are many positive emotions that men need:
1. They need to feel accepted. They need someone to look beyond their faults and minister to their needs.
2. They need to be blessed by the affection of another man. I heard one man say to another, “I love you, brother.” It was an unsolicited, spontaneous expression. I liked hearing that.
3. Men need to be blessed by the attention of another man. There is no substitute for spending time with people. Time is a valuable commidity, no doubt. But men need other men who will push past the often rough exterior and just listen to another man talk. Men were really listening to other men around the fire, and it was a wonderful sight to behold.
4. Security is another need all men need. Men have a tremendous need to feel secure with other men. Paul says, “Live in harmony with one another.” (Romans 12:16a) If men can be consistent in the way they relate to other men, it will go a long way toward making other men feel secure.
5. Finally, men need to feel respected. If men will value, honor and regard other men as important, men will feel more and more respected by their peers. That’s the way it ought to be. Another time Paul wrote, “honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10b) When men see other men solicit and show deference to their opinion, they feel respected. Men love to be respected by other men.
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The intent of this article was to identify the need of men for certain emotions. ie: Acceptance, blessed by affection, blessed by attention, security, respect.These things and more are needs of men. Not all men need every one of them all the time, but they do need them. The lack of these types of positive things lead men to be the broken men the majority of us are today.Jesus does not want broken men walking the earth spreading the gospel. He wants once broken men who have been healed by His power, grace, and mercy. Then, and only then will they be effective in reaching others for the Kingdom. If I am broken, accept Jesus, and remain broken or worse are wounded by the men of the church who do not understand the truth of what men actually require, I am in no way going to be effective to reach the lost or other wounded men. If I can not say that through Christ I have been restored, why would any one chose to follow Him?As you know, we live in the tension. The tension between two kingdoms. Jesus works in beautiful miraculous ways every day. However, he also works through the church body (us)in the practical ways.Find a man who is not accepted by society, and accepted him as he is. Watch the healing start. Then pray for him and ask the Lord to break through and heal the garbage from his past. Watch the Lord work his wonders. Keep accepting the man and praying for the man and watch the healing continue.Find a man who never has had the affection of a father figure or man in his life. Show him Christ's love for him. Watch the healing start. Then pray for him and ask the Lord to break through and heal the wounds of the past. Watch the Lord work his wonders. Keep showing him love, and watch the healing continue.I think you get the picture. Continue down the list, add other items to the list as you find them.I really appreciate you James. You challenged my thinking and made me dig deep and reaffirm what I believe in. May the Lord continue to bless your ministry and every thing you touch
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A series of statements, not in any particular order, but my thoughts.1) Ironically, you caught me at one of my more confrontational moments. That's not what I'm like 90% of the time – compassion is something I traffic in considerably more than the average joe. Lately God has been teaching me to be a little less of a pushover, an entirely different issue from compassion, I'd say, and the post you saw earlier is a little of that.2) Yes, Jesus wants a bunch of wounded men walking around spreading the gospel. Yes, that looks kinda weird to non-believers. It should. The broken aren't usually the ones we expect would help others.3) I don't think most men have hardened hearts. I think most men have wounded hearts. But I don't think the solution to their woundedness will be found in some 12-step program or a fulfilling of their "needs", the things they think are lacking. That's what I think is bogus, the implication that men will heal by simply filling the needs that were frustrated in the past.4) I've ministered to lots of people too, right here in Champaign. And honestly, I've seen a lot of people's lives changed by prayer. I pray for lots of people. That said, I don't think filling men's "needs" from other men is the solution to their woundedness. I think people are healed by God's intervention in their lives and by their recognition of their need for Him. Our participancy in this process is secondary to God's work.Mt 9:35-38 NIV"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness [Jesus's work of ministry prayer]. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful [God's work] but the workers are few [Our work]. Ask the Lord of the harvest [Our work in intercession], therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field [Our work in ministry prayer].'"
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James,I'm curious James where you get your compassion from. Do you think Jesus wants a bunch of wounded men walking around spreading the gospel? What does that look like to a nonbeliever that we are trying to reach? Yes, we all get wounded as we take up our cross for Christ. However, unhealthy soldiers do not fight very well.I have seen men get healed by the things mentioned in the article as well as other things. The list above is not exhaustive, it is only a start. We can not win people for Christ with a hardened heart.You say Love God, Love others. I would like to know what your love for others looks like if you feel the things in the article are "bogus". I have worked with way to many wounded people all over this country and from all parts of the world to not agree with the author’s statements. There is much more than what was said. It goes much deeper than that. Interview a man who has a hardened heart, drinks too much, ignores his wife, slams his kids, and has a hard time holding down a job. Ask him where he gets the anger that fills his heart. I can guarantee you will get at least one of the authors points stated. He was wounded somewhere down the line. By someone in his past. most likely by a man.I'm praying for you Brother. I'm asking God to reveal to you a heart of compassion and understanding. May God bless you.
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Hmm.Well, to be honest, I think that's bogus.Men need x, y, z, q, and maybe a little bit of w. Big deal. Why do we care about what men need? When did we come to the conclusion that men would be something if they had …? When we became pop psychologist Christians?The list of things that men need is long, sure. And the list of things that men think they need to do is long too. But it seems to me that the list of things men really need to do is awfully short. Love God, love others. Try hard. Fail. Then, if a man comes to me and shows me his scars from acting just a little like Jesus, then we'll start talking about your needs.
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